10 – 16 January 2021
I learned that a guy I was interested in is definitely not interested in me and he only told me that he liked me because he was drunk. There is some other information in there but it’s definitely not something I’m willing to share, but the whole thing just sucked. I know things happen for a reason and I’m probably better off but it still definitely stung. It made me really take a look inside and realize that I was hiding myself because I was so concerned about how this guy would judge me if I was actually myself. This is the dumbest thing ever.
After I got over the bullshit. I basically said fuck it. I started uploading my lifting videos to Instagram reels and have publically started documenting my weight loss journey. I don’t care anymore about people who judge me because I’m big right now. I can’t. If you’re going to troll me or treat me like shit because I’m big, or you’re embarrassed to be my friend because I’m fat right now. Fuck you. FUCK. YOU.
My exterior appearance needs work yes, but I am so much more than just my exterior. I am nice, I’m funny, I’m hardworking, I’m smart. I like to workout, I like to hike, I love dogs, I am a gold gilder, I smile when someone holds the door for me or anyone else.
It sucks that when you’re bigger, people aren’t willing to see any of that because they have this stereotypical thought process of what a fat person is or does. It’s sad. Here’s the truth, I’ve never wanted to be big. I’ve tried to find my way to health and fitness a lot in my life, but the guides I had couldn’t get me there and I didn’t know how to get there on my own.
There was a time, sophomore year of college, I had lost 60 pounds. I was running from my dorm to the gym, running six miles a day, and lifting weights for two hours a day. I was completely overtraining but I got so protective of myself. When I got to my goal weight, people started treating me differently. The Guys were nice to me, they started asking me out. People who would never give me the time of day, gave me the time of day and wanted me to hang out with them.
It made me so angry. I was like I’m the same person. I’m just 60 pounds lighter. But my personality is the same. I ended up gaining the weight back plus some. It was a safe space. I knew how to expect people to treat me. I knew how to expect the world to treat me.
The thing I’ve learned so far in my journey this time is that you actually do change as a human when you change your behaviors. I know that I love being around my CrossFit family and I love being active all the time. I hate the drama at work, I hate working a sedentary job, I hate not being able to interact with people on a daily basis. I have more confidence. More confidence to walk into a room, more confidence to lift heavy weights, and just overall confidence to pursue the things that make me happy.
This journey is mine. No one else’s. There are amazing people in my life right now who have been there for the whole journey. They were there on my first day of CrossFit cheering for me to finish the workout and they were there screaming for me this past week when I pulled a 300-pound deadlift. These are the type of people I want in my life.
Wow… okay that was a bit of a rant, but it’s really how I’ve been feeling this week.
Okay so here are the deets from the week:
Food
This week my macros went up to 1,950 calories. 165g protein, 136g carbs, and 80g fat. I also did timed food eating before and after my workouts. It definitely helped me perform this week. I felt a lot better in my CrossFit workouts and I did some cool ass shit.
Breakfast
- 6 Eggs
- 35g Chicken
- 60g Cottage Cheese
Lunch
- 125g Top Sirloin
- 1 Soft Taco Tortilla
- 1 Egg
- 100g Broccoli
Pre CrossFit
- 1 Scoop of Whey
- 1 Grapefruit
- 20g Cashews
Post CrossFit
- 1 Scoop of Whey
- 1 Banana
- 1 Apple
- 20g Cashews
Workouts
This week was great when it comes to my workouts. I’m so freaking stoked that I rocked out some great workouts and I upped my Deadlift PR from 225 to 300. THREE HUNDRED FUCKING POUNDS!! I’m still super amp’d about the lift because it was a 75lb. increase in my PR in one fucking night. So incredibly excited.
Weight
Actual weight this week was: 233.6 (2.6 pounds off my goal)
Goal Weight to hit this week: 231
