Today was interesting to say the least. Jake comes up to me and says, “Haha, Employee asked me if you were hot. I laughed and didn’t answer.”
Yes. I know I am not hot, but seriously? Have some fucking tact.
I was fine the whole way home until I talked to Mom, then I just lost it. I think mostly because I am embarrassed and ashamed that I can’t be that daughter that is married and has the 2.5 kids. I am the daughter who almost weighs 300 pounds and works too much.
I get stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I start focusing on myself I don’t focus on work and when I focus on work I don’t focus on myself. It’s hard. I need to lose 100 pounds and I need to do it soon. In college I was really successful and lost 70 pounds. The problem is, when I hit that weight I didn’t recognize myself. I didn’t understand why people were paying attention to me and I got scared. I not only gained the 70 pounds back I added another 50 or 60.
Advertising is an evil industry full of long hours and no appreciation. It’s something that I just need to shut off and say no more. I am going home now.
I’ve spent the last hours thinking about it and then starting to cry. Crying isn’t really an option for me. Plus it doesn’t solve anything. So I wipe my tears away and try to drudge forward. But you know what. . . sometimes, I’m just not that strong.
