Being at the weight I am is really hard. I can’t move my body the way I want to and I take up a lot of space. Like a lot of space. XXL, size 26 amount of space.
Being at the gym is definitely an eye opening experience as to how large I am. I go to a gym in a fancy neighborhood so there are buff tan hot men and perfect women. There are also mirrors everywhere for them to admire their perfectly chiseled physiques.
Then there’s me. I go in my sweats, XXL Tee and a hoodie. I definitely don’t fit in but I am still determined. I am embarrassed to look at myself in the mirrors. Even though I know everyone else can see me, I don’t want to see myself.
So, I close my eyes or I look at the ground while I count my reps. I make funny faces and noises when I do my last few reps. But I get it done because one day I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror. I want to be healthy, I want to be proud of my body and not try to hide it in oversized clothing that makes me look frumpy and disheveled. I want to unsubscribe from the Lane Bryant mailing list.
I will do this.
