October 14, 2013

$100 A Pound

So I’ve been having trouble getting started. I don’t know what it is but I feel guilty when I put myself first. Even today, while cleaning my house on a Sunday, I wondered what I was supposed to be doing for work. It’s Sunday. I should not even be thinking about work.

It’s all in my head and I know that but I can’t seem to get around it. My father quit smoking and drinking cold turkey. He one day just decided to quit. While I believe my food addiction is similar to being addicted to those things, one doesn’t need cigarettes or booze to survive.

Though as I write this my self conscience is saying to me while yes you need food to survive you don’t need sweets, soda and chips to survive. The essential nutrients you need to survive you aren’t even consuming. These things my mind is telling me I know to be true, but why is my willpower and drive not able to work as hard for my health as it has for my education and career?

Tonight my father proposed a deal to me. He will pay me $100 for each pound I lose. He used to pay me for every A letter grade I received while in school and has proposed the same negotiation for my weight.

I am nervous that I won’t be able to do it. I am nervous that if I do lose the weight I will not recognize myself or be able to handle the complements like I couldn’t the first time I lost the weight.

But then I think about how much I want to find a significant other, have a family and have the respect in the boardroom.

I don’t know if I can do this, but I’m going to try.

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