I am writing this upon completing day five of a fitness challenge I entered basically because my workout buddy Ash told me too. Though as I entered the competition, I wasn’t too sure about whether I would finish it or not because you have to upload a before photo. Even though I have had @weighankor for almost five years, I have never posted public photos of myself except for my face.

After about three hours of back and forth, I decided to post the pictures. I decided at that moment that I was where I was. I was at the weight I was and there was nothing I could do about it. No hoodie could hide my size and it was the time I suck it up and start making myself a lot more accountable to this journey. So I uploaded them.

After posting them, I immediately got nauseous. Everyone can see my before photo. Let me say that again, EVERYONE. CAN. SEE. MY. BEFORE. PHOTO. I could just feel the judgement from everyone looking through the photos, but you know what, I had to just say, I don’t care. If they want to spend their time making fun of me, let them. Let them spend time making fun of me instead of focusing on themselves.

I have to start to stop worrying about other people and just focus on myself. Focus on working hard, and making that before photo a thing of the past. I weighed in on Thursday (it should have been Wednesday, but I had to find a newspaper). I knew I had gained most of my old weight back, and as unhappy about it, I weighed in anyway. I ended up weighing in at 287, 40 pounds up from August (if you remember, I started at 297). I really let losing my job take over my life.

But that is the past, here I am at 287 pounds and ready to fucking mmooovveee! I have to weigh in again this Wednesday and post them again. My hope is that because I put myself out there and I’ve been busting my ass, My first week will show a bit of a transformation starting to take shape.